Reflecting on respite care: A mom's first respite adventure

If you've considered becoming a foster parent but were hesitant about stepping into a full-time commitment, providing respite care can be a great way to get started. Respite care involves providing temporary, short-term care for children in foster care to give their foster parents a brief break.

While you still go through the same training and licensing process and while we still encourage you to consider fostering children during longer-term placements in the future, respite care can be a good first step. Here's what one Iowa foster and adoptive mom had to share about her first time providing respite care:

Reflecting on Respite

My husband and I were licensed last year and chose to provide respite care because we wanted to help children and foster families and thought it would be an excellent way to get to know a variety of children along the way. Our first experience was a rewarding and challenging experience, and we can’t wait to do it again.
 
It all started with a phone call one afternoon from a foster mother caring for a set of seven-year old twins. “Perfect," I thought, since I have a seven-year old daughter who loves play dates. The care would be for five days, and they’d come meet our family the evening before I was to pick them up from daycare to begin their stay with us.
 
Shy at first, my daughter and the twins sized each other up a bit. I noticed their ease and her excitement grow as I encouraged them to play on the porch swing. 

As they swung, I learned more about them from their foster mom. That is one of the greatest parts of providing respite. You get to hear all about their habits, history and personality, which is not always available immediately upon placement. I was given tips for how to get them to eat, sleep and mind their manners. 

The children switched to playing in my daughter’s dollhouse while I got a run down of their medications, directions to their daycare and reassurance that they would be on their best behavior. For me, being used to one fairly quiet child in my home, that is the golden ticket about providing respite. The children, for the most part, behave superbly because they want you to like them. You offer them a fresh start, void of the labels others in their lives may have put on them and the pressure they have to live up to them. It’s what’s known as the ‘honeymoon phase’, which resembles a courtship where all parties put their best foot forward trying to impress one another. I felt completely confident that everything would be fine and that my daughter would love having some company.
 
I was right. The kids were sweet, courteous, obedient and not much more work than I was used to. Sure, like all kids their age, there was energy to be expended and I found myself wanting to make sure to spend quality time with each of them, which was a change of pace for me, but it was also joyful to hear giggles at bedtime and get extra morning hugs.
 
Respite is also beneficial to the foster parents who provide the ongoing care for the children. Raising children isn’t easy and when you add in some of the extra complexities of temporarily raising another person’s child, a child who may have some special needs or behavior issues, it can be draining. Respite allows the foster family a break. 

For blended families, it allows the birth or adopted kids in the home a chance to spend alone time with their parents, who inevitably spend a lot of their time focused on the child they are fostering. It gives them a chance to recharge so they can continue to advocate for, encourage and guide the children who are in foster care. 

An added benefit I noticed is that it gives the kids and their foster families an opportunity to miss one another. I saw that as the twins ran to greet their foster parents and tell them all about their time with my family. The foster parents beamed listening to the excitement in the twins' voices, and I could tell they were happy to be reunited and continue their journey together.
 
I always recommend that people try respite. It’s a great way to ease into foster parenting and there is always a need for it. If you’re thinking about becoming a foster parent but aren’t sure, go for respite and try it on for size. If you’re a licensed family and have room in your home, let your support worker know you’re willing to provide respite. I’m sure countless children and their foster parents will be grateful you did.

Talking foster care with IPR

Hey everyone!

We wanted to update you on a great radio show that will be taking place next week. Iowa Public Radio's "Talk of Iowa" weekday segment will be talking foster care and adoption on Tuesday, Sept. 6 from 10 - 11 a.m. 

If you're an Iowa foster or adoptive parent or a former alumni of the foster care system, we'd especially encourage you to tune in. "Talk of Iowa" is a live, call-in show, so there will be an opportunity to join the conversation and share about your experiences.

You can find your local IPR station on their website at www.iowapublicradio.org.

Thanks!

Coffee Break with Julie

Today we're excited to spend a few minutes with Julie, one of our post-adoption support specialists. Julie has a wide range of experiences not only as a support specialist, but as a foster and adoptive mother herself! She helps provide support and resources to meet the unique needs of adoptive families.

Hi Julie! Tell us a little bit about yourself and your family.

I live in Radcliffe, north of Ames. My husband and I have four children, three of which were adopted from foster care. Our kids are involved in many activities that keep us busy. We took the first PS-MAPP class in Iowa and were licensed foster parents for six years.
 
You have lots of experience to share with your adoptive parents. What do you enjoy about supporting families? 

I enjoy connecting families to resources.

What's one resource you wish all adoptive families knew about?

Each family has different needs so that is difficult to answer. I wish all families who adopted from foster care in past years knew about post adoption services.
 
What's a commonly asked question you receive from families and how do you respond?

When children have their parental rights terminated or are having a termination of parental rights (TPR) hearing soon, many foster families have questions about the adoption process, adoption subsidy and Title 19. I explain the timeline from the TPR hearing to adoption. I also explain the criteria for adoption subsidy, future needs and Title 19, and the documentation needed.

As we approach the start of the school year, do you have any tips for helping parents transition children back into a school routine?
 
Start getting into a routine a few weeks before school begins. Start using "school" bedtimes and getting up in the morning at the time they will need to get up for school. Have them go through their normal routine that they will have each morning before heading off to school. Make sure kids are getting plenty of sleep. It seems the first couple of weeks of school tire them out!

Do you have a favorite moment from your work or personal experience in the foster care and adoption field?
 
Adoption Saturdays every November in Webster City! There is a lot of excitement and emotion on that day.

Everyone deserves a graduation party

Every once in awhile you hear a story that totally fills your soul. Here's a story we loved recently about one Iowa church making a difference for youth in foster care.

When this church heard about how many teens age out of foster care each year, often without the support or resources of a caring adult, they decided to do something. In a few weeks, they rallied their entire community - friends, neighbors, businesses, social workers - to pull together an incredible graduation party for area youth in foster care.

“Most people didn’t know that this need existed or even knew about foster care, but once they knew, most had a heartfelt connection,” one church member said. “They had a child or grandchild who was graduating, and they couldn’t imagine their own child not having the support system we take for granted.”

From laptop computers to cookie sheets to personal finance education, each graduate received many gifts that would spur their success in college or in living on their own for the first time. 

You can read the full story here at LSI's website, one of our partner agencies. 

Thanks to First Lutheran Church in Decorah for sharing love and encouragement with these youth! 

Francesca's Foster Care Story

Thanks to some inspiring youth at Elevate, Iowa's advocacy organization for youth in foster care, we're privileged to share insights from those who know our foster care system the best - our young people.

Here what Francesa, an alumni of Iowa's foster care system, has to say about her experiences and why parents shouldn't be afraid to foster teenagers.



Were you inspired or surprised by anything she had to share? If you've ever considered fostering teens, check out our list of Top 10 Reasons to Foster Teenagers.

Thanks!